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When is Enough, Enough?Wed, Jul 17th 2013
How long have you been together? 10 years, married for 8
What is your age range? 30-35
Please share your story: My husband and I have been together for 10 years. I knew when we got married that I would always be the more ambitious one, the career-oriented, educated, create-a-nest-egg, want-it-all type and that he is more of the opposite - play video games and lacking the passion to really take the lead. This is the problem. We ebb and flow with our connection.
Right now, emotionally, we are doing okay, but what started as me knowing we wouldn't always be equal has turned in to me feeling as though I'm being used. He's laid-off again. It's like pulling teeth to get him to do anything when I'm working 10-12 hour days. He tried returning to school, and all we benefited from that was additional student loans (this has happened twice). He only does the minimal in job applications unless I get on him and continues to use the economy as an excuse and isn't willing to do what he has to do to bring in more of his share.
My promotions has us in the exact same financial situation as we were in 3 years ago. I'm sick of being stuck! I want to have kids, but it's not something that we get to do the "easy way" yet he "can't make up his mind about it."
We both want to travel but are drowning in debt. I keep seeing my career go up and it's like he wants to ride my coattails. Splitting up has been discussed a couple of times, and many of my friends and family feel as though enough is enough. He's not a bad person, just has a predisposition for laziness. I have tried every angle, being supportive, being an example, arguments, incentives, but am at a loss and feel as though my life is just wasting away. I also don't need to have a child since it's like I'm already supporting one!
At what point is enough, enough? Breaking things off would hurt us both, but I feel as though we are hanging by a thread and he only gets motivated when he might have to move in with his parents because he has no other options. I don't want to end my marriage, but I also want someone who wants to take care of me too - and be a little less concerned about his own creature comforts and can man up. I don't want a life of regrets.
We clearly are becoming more and more of opposites.
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