|Basic InformationMore InformationTestsQuestions and Answers|Husband Sexting With a Mutual FriendSexFearWhy do I Have These Mood Swings?Violent When DrunkAngry All The TimeEating Disorder or Overreacting?What Is Wrong With Me ?Classify My Mental DisorderOCD, DepressionI'm Going Crazy?Please Help. I Criticize Myself Too Much and I Need to Stop. Trying to ForgetWhat's Wrong With Me?How to Overcome Depression Caused when Boyfriend Ditched Me?New Boyfriend Lying About Belongings That Are His Ex Girlfriend'sHow to Help my Delusional Son?Is Any of This Real?What is This, and What do I do About it?I Have Everything I Ever Wanted. Why am I so Miserable?How Can I Convince My Suicidal MD Husband To Be Evaluated?Sexual Abuse, What Should I do Now?Bipolar or Depressed or Neither?DepressionFeel Like Something's WrongToo Much SorrowVery EmptyReally Desperate..Please HelpMy Health?DepressionBipolar, Depression, Grief & AnxietyIs This a Flashback?Help Us With Our Son!No Clue What To Do. Help?Am I Going Crazy?Do I Suffer From Depression?Why Is He Doing This To Me?Am I Commitment-Phobic?I Don't Care For Anything, I Feel as Though I'm Wasting my Life.Anxiety Has Taken Over My Life...Not Able to be Happy With my HusbandHow Do I Get My 24 Year Old Son To A CounselorBipolar TeenI Have This IssueAm I Depressed?Fear of ChokingHelpIn Love With a Man Who Does Not Love MeI Think I Have a Mental Disorder?Stress and Loss of Feeling or Emotional DeadnessPlease Help MeOCD or Not OCD, That's The QuestionHow Can I Move Past This- A Question for StaffDoes Romance Lead to Aggression?Am I Depressed?Depressed, Anxious and Dead Inside...Please Help!BrokenWhy do I Feel Like Everyone is Trying to Upset me?My Husbands Roller Coaster of Proper Hygiene: Is it Depression?I Feel Like a Complete Waste of a Human LifeAm I Always Going to Feel Like This?Is He Changed???I Can't Stop CryingHopelessAnxious and Depressed SonIs There Any Hope For Me, or am I Destined to be Damaged?Falling ApartIs There Such a Thing as Happiness? JoylessWorrying Too Much About Anything.Helping and Watching a Friend's Recurrent Depression?Homesick and Feeling Stuck.Insanely Jealous HusbandPOCDCan Prescription Drug Use Lead to Delusional Beharior? Social Anxiety, Depression and More...SadSame Views On So Much, but Can't Get Along As A CoupleSuicidal ThoughtsHypothyroid 23 Year Old GirlIt's Me or It's My Mother?Is He a Narcissist?Help For Aging Human Service Professionals?DepressionIf There's Nothing New, There's Nothing Good.Please Respond, I Need Help Need To Ask SomeoneIs it Okay to Give Up?I'm Cheated By My Girlfriend..... I Just Want to Die.....How Can It Help?Everyone Says He is depressed, Is He? Or Does He Really Want a Divorce??Help! Please!I Think I Need Some HelpI Feel So Lost.Scared and LonelyPlease Help Me OutHow Much Should a Therapist Care or Reach Out?I Never Experience Happiness Mystery SymptomsI Think I'm DepressedBorn to Lose, or Nurtured to Lose?Help!Quadruple Bypass SurgeryAdviceI am an 18 Year Old Mom Diagnosed With Severe Depression And AnxietyExtremely Scared: I Felt Indifferent Toward an ObsessionSuffering with Treatment-Resistant DepressionMy Fiance May Have a Sexual, Nude Photo AddictionInfections and The BrainMy Girlfriend's Family Is Ruining Our RelationshipWorthlessI Need Help And Am At The End of My RopeHow Can I Cope With My Husband´s Depression and Its Sexual Consequences?What Is The Difference Between Mental Illness and Depression?Am I Over Thinking This, or Am I Right?AngerDo I Need Help?What Is It?Why Am I Thinking Like This?Why Does My Mother Hoard Everything, Including Garbage?Right in the middle of a nervous breakdown; What's wrong with me? Huge Disapointment With My HusbandI Don't Really Care About Anything. What Should I Do?Is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Curable? Is it Really a Problem?I am Terrified of Death. AnhedoniaDetached: I Feel Guilty, But I Can't Help it.My Father, The Sociopath...I Feel Like a Question MarkAm I Not Normal!?Our 23 Year Old Son Refuses to Get Help for His Anxiety Attacks and Depression. What is Wrong? Husband Abandoned MeD.I.D. Diagnosis, How do I Accept This?I Don't Know Anymore. Please Help.Breaking up With Bipolar Depression - Blacking OutHe's Distant. Is he Leaving me?My Boyfriend Saved Pictures of his Ex-Girlfriend on His Computer.Restroom PhobiaWhat Is Wrong with Me?Should I Seek Help?When to Leave Therapy?Help Me Please. What is Going On With Me?I'm Afraid I'm Going CrazyI Don't Know What To DoAm I Wallowing in Depression?AngerSexual Abuse and Its Effects on Relationships AfterwardsWhat Is Wrong with Me, Doc? HelpDBSAm I Suffering a Kind of Psychological Problem?Attention Deficit and DepressionDo I Have an Eating Disorder?Do you think I sound depressed? I don't understand what is going on Is This Bi Polar?Depressed 19 year old college studentThoughtsDepression helps to contribute to my unemployment! - Paula Will I ever feel normal?I feel like I am going crazyWhat is wrong with me?I'm ScaredWhat Is Wrong with Me?Cyclical DepressionFrightening thoughts - fear losing control - please help!Anxious, depressed, confused, angry....the typical...Giving Up - Dad of three - Sep 15th 2008Counting ritual - Zami - Aug 30th 2008dont understand meExercising violence in dreamsSwallowing fear My husband wants to leave me Is there help for a person who has always been a 'little depressed'Depression TreatmentPlease help. Lovely, however... - Julie C. - Jul 14th 2008I am really worried about my mental health (19yr old female)Am I depressed?Identity Confusion: I don't know what personality disorders I haveDo I Have Bipolar Dsorder?Is there something wrong with me?Will I Ever? Worried about my sonIs There Help Out There? Lonely Mother of ThreeAm I Depressed?Help?Major Depressive Disorder Severe with Psychotic FeaturesOCD- No feelingHelp!!!: LaciIs the memory of my father dooming my relationship?Worried about thoughtsHow long will i be on medication for treatment of my depressionMy Mother Won't Go For Depression Treatment!Where do i start to get on the road to recoveryWhat is wrong with me?Stuck in an on-again, off-again relationship for 10 yearsDepression TreatmentHow do I get my dr.s to understand and help me?STUCK IN A RUTWhat treatments are available after you've tried the medicines of last resort?no one will help!Should I seek help?A fighting coupleDo I have a mental health problem?Whats wrong with me?depression and employmenthow do you treat depression in teenager males?Is it ok to feel this way?Have DID: Getting Worse Not BetterCan we contact my mother's doctor?anxiety or going crazy?ADD, Tourettes or both?DepressedI think i'm lost?Don't want to take medsWill this ever endGet SupportedStages of DepressionIs there any help?Can you help?Dark FantasiesBlood testsIs it illusion or truth?should a depressed person marry?Dementia and DepressionAnger?What type of exams can proven that a person has bipolar disorder?Stuck in a mental rut...Loss of Patiencei can't seem to get over any of thisIntrusive humiliating memoriesIs there some way to deal with depression without meds?losing personality wholnessWhat is the point of life?No change is normal mood (e.g., Depression)Lack of Personal HygieneDiagnosing DepressionDoes untreated depression pass on to a fetus?A Request for HelpRegular thoughts of killing myselfHow do I help my depressed, unemployed motherAngry at my doctor for prescribing so carelesslyI become very hostile towards myselfComing to Terms With My Own Pathetic ExistenceDo environmental factors hold a person back?Tired of this DepressionStruggling With Feelings And ThoughtsGreatly DepressedIs Depression Getting More Prevalent?An Empty ShellHelping My HusbandInability To Express MyselfNon-medication Help For DepressionSuicidalSick Of Feeling This WayUntrusting PatientDepressed and Not DatingCongenital LazinessMoody BoyfriendElectroconvulsive TherapyDesperateFrustrated and Sucked DryToo Young For MedsDepressed HusbandParanoid DepressionSelf-Harming Attention SeekerDid My Parents Make Me Like This?Wild Mood SwingsA Wonderful ManHow Can I Become Less Depressed?18, Sad and HopelessShould I Continue With Therapy?Childhood DepressionCan I Help My Wife With Depression?Prozac QuestionsApproaching My Tightly Wound Depressed Attorney BrotherBrain Injury and DepressionNo Compassion For DepressionRecurrent DepressionMeds Don't Seem To Work So Now What?Pleasure-blindDo People Recover From Depression?Shy DancerCrying Is BehaviorMed ConsultFeeling Depressed and InsecureShyness And The Post Partum BluesThe Aftermath of AbuseDo I Tell My Children I'm Depressed?Now What?Medicine Doesn't Work AnymoreDepressedThe First TimeDepressed BoyfriendHow Do I Leave?Potentially Suicidal BoyfriendAlternative TreatmentBereavement and GriefParanoid DadDepression Affects The Entire FamilyHow Can I Stop Depression From Recurring?Crohn's Disorder Side EffectsIs Paranoia A Destiny?Post-Drinking DepressionSecurity Clearance and DepressionCan I Inherit Depression?Two CliniciansDepressed SpouseDepression 101Hypnosis?Controlling, Disabled HusbandAre These Just Mood SwingsDrifting Apart?Drinking. . .A Mother Struggles with DepressionMarijuana and DepressionOverburdened MomTrashed HouseBeautiful DreamerPMS WoesSeverely DepressedMiss LonelyUnhappy and In TherapyHe Won't Tell Me Why...LonelyDepression Affecting My RelationshipLonesomeMy Children Aren't Speaking..My Wife is DepressedMy Boyfriend Is DepressedParlante writes:LinksBook Reviews
Will I ever feel normal?Mon, Feb 9th 2009
Hi, I am a 37 year old female. My entire life I have always felt like a misfit. My parents always made me feel stupid and insignificant because I was not a stellar straight-A student like my older siblings were. I was painfully shy and never had more than a handful of friends growing up. As an adolescent I became bulimic, but stopped when my father found out and screamed at me because of all the "money being flushed down the toilet." I went to college for one year and hated it because I had a lot of trouble making friends. I just felt like no one would want to hang around with me. I returned home and attended a community college and got my R.N.. I graduated nursing school and started working at a state hospital where I met my first husband, Henry, who was also an RN working there. Henry was 40 and I was 22 when we met. He had been married once before, no children, and lived alone in the house he had grown up in. Within a few months I moved in with him. At first he was very charming and swept me off of my feet. He bought me pretty much anything I wanted and made me feel very desirable. He had a good sense of humor and made me laugh a lot. But I soon saw the darker side of Henry; he had a terrible temper that could be set off by the weirdest, most petty things. He would scream at the top of his lungs about things that most people would brush aside. He claimed he hated God and hated "white people." I am white and so was he, so I could never understand his reverse racism. Henry collected things: jazz records, african art, exotic birds, dogs, anything that caught his fancy. I often felt I was just part of his collection. We lived in his house that was very big and old and located in a very wealthy neighborhood. This house was beautiful in it's heyday, but Henry had let it go to ramble and ruin. He never repaired anything and had left the furniture and appliances the way they had been since his parents had lived there. Henry's idea of fun was to sit around all day smoking weed and listening to his jazz records. I never enjoyed either of these activities and soon started isolating in the bedroom with a bottle of wine and my own dogs. Eventually I started to suggest to Henry that I was unhappy and wanted to end the marriage. Every time he would scream and escalate to the point of threatening suicide. To make a long story short, one night I went out with a co-worker and got very drunk. On the way home I decided that once and for all I was going to leave Henry no matter what it took. I made a very stupid decision to tell him that I had met someone else (I hadn't), just so that he would hate me enough to let me leave and proceed with a divorce. When I got home he was waiting up for me, and I told him about my alleged lover and that I was going to leave him. He got very upset and cried and said he was going to kill himself. I was still very drunk and just wanted to go to sleep. I told him we would talk about it in the morning. The last thing I remember is hearing him say goodbye to his dog and then the door shut. I woke up that next morning to find him dead in his truck;he had shot himself in the head. I was 28 and he was 46. My life has never been the same. For a long time I was overcome with guilt and grief. I had to continue to live in that big empty house for a year while I prepared it to sell. My parents and siblings would come over and help me, but at night I had to stay there alone because of all of the animals that needed to be cared for. I eventually sold everything I could and put the house on the market. The few friends I had before dropped out of my life, mainly because it was probably too weird for them to know how to act around me, and also because I stopped wanting to be around anyone. Most of the time I felt numb and had no idea what to say to anyone. Eventually I decided to date again and met a man I liked online. We dated for a year and then married in 2000. We live in a new house, I have changed careers, and on the surface it appears that I should be very happy. My current husband is very different from Henry and has been always been very understanding about my occasional depression. I have been seeing a psychiatrist for about 8 years and have been on many different anti-depressants. Currently I take Effexor and Adderall. I like my new career and work with a nice group of women, but I do not have any friends outside of my husband and dog. I always try to be very nice and agreeable to my co workers, and they seem to like me, but I am never invited anywhere with them, and any one on one conversation with any of them always feels very awkward and forced on my part. I just don't know how to reach out to anyone. I want friends but at the same time I don't want to get close to anyone. I am lonely, but I usually don't feel anything at all. I don't feel happy or sad, just flat most of the time. My relationships with my husband and parents and siblings have really gone downhill in the last few years, because most of the time I just don't care very much about anything. I feel like a lead blanket has been permanently draped over my soul and emotions. It keeps me from really connecting with anyone. The only thing I really care about and make an effort to take care of is my dog. He has been with me through all of this (he was a gift as a puppy from Henry on our last wedding anniversary). Please give me some advice; I am tired of just drifting through the days. It has been almost ten years since Henry's suicide, and although I don't miss him, I feel like he not only took his own life, but mine, too. Will I ever feel normal, and have the ability to make friends and connect with people emotionally?
THE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION WILL NOT BE DISPLAYED UNTIL YOU HAVE INDICATED YOUR AGREEMENT WITH THE DISCLAIMER PRINTED JUST BELOW. CLICK THE 'I AGREE' BUTTON TO AGREE TO THESE TERMS AND SEE THE RESPONSE.
- Dr. Schwartz responds to questions about psychotherapy and mental health problems, from the perspective of his training in clinical psychology.
- Dr. Schwartz intends his responses to provide general educational information to the readership of this website; answers should not be understood to be specific advice intended for any particular individual(s).
- Questions submitted to this column are not guaranteed to receive responses.
- No correspondence takes place.
- No ongoing relationship of any sort (including but not limited to any form of professional relationship) is implied or offered by Dr. Schwartz to people submitting questions.
- Dr. Schwartz, Mental Help Net and CenterSite, LLC make no warranties, express or implied, about the information presented in this column. Dr. Schwartz and Mental Help Net disclaim any and all merchantability or warranty of fitness for a particular purpose or liability in connection with the use or misuse of this service.
- Always consult with your psychotherapist, physician, or psychiatrist first before changing any aspect of your treatment regimen. Do not stop your medication or change the dose of your medication without first consulting with your physician.