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Ask Dr. SchwartzAsk Dr. Schwartz:
Psychotherapy and Mental Health questions

Pregnant Again

Wed, Mar 11th 2009

My son is now 22 years old. He has a 6 month old daughter. He got his girlfriend pregnant after dating her for only 6 months. He had three semesters to go to finish college but quit during the middle of a semester because of stress. He had a job which he worked part time and his boss made him full time after he quit school but no benefits. He lost his health insurance when he quit school. He couldn't afford any so he now has none. He and his girlfriend worked out a plan so that she could return to work full time to keep health insurance benefits for herself and their baby and so they would have enough money between the two of them to afford their own place. However, when she was supposed to return to work she decided not to go back and lost all her benefits. Now none of them has any health insurance, and she has no job and he's working one that is very inconsistent. They have been living with her parents and not paying any rent but he is supporting the three of them with the money he makes from his job. The baby has been very sick and now they owe the hospital and pediatrician plus they have a car loan because they had to buy a better car. I recently learned that his girlfriend may be pregnant again because he was lazy and didn't want to buy/use a condom and she went off the pill temporarily. They have been having lots of problems throughout the last year mostly because of their immaturity at handling money and her exclusion of our family in the baby's life. He lets her have her way about everything because he is tired of fighting her. We have stopped getting involved because it only makes matters worse. What I want to know is what would make my son do such a stupid thing? He can't afford this child nor is he really happy in this relationship, yet he takes a big chance of her getting pregnant again. He has always been a little irresponsible but not stupid. I really thought he was finally growing up. She is just as irresponsible as he is maybe a little more. He has recently been having panic attacks too so I don't understand why he would do this to himself? My husband said we have done and said everything we can do. We just need to let him figure it out for himself. I know he's right but I'm having trouble watching him make such a mess of his life. He grew up in a very stable family. What happened??

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